a few pictures...

A few photos, because i'm too lazy to actually write anything.

my sisters, Jo and Emily

sometimes my friends and i like to dress up like dickheads and drink.

Emma and Holly. 2 of my best buds. this was Holly's 21st, which had a Hawaiian theme.

Lenny!

and finally....

Someone stupider than me:

some stuff about me

okay boys and girls, it's time for another entry. this time i have decided to shamelessly steal an entry idea from aussiekate. yes, it's only my third entry or something like that, and i'm already out of things to say. sad, isn't it.

so here's some more stuff about me.

• my entire extended family is Catholic. i went to Catholic schools, and my family goes to church every sunday. i myself have issues with religion. i'm pretty sure i don't believe in God, but there's a part of me that is having trouble letting go of something that has been such a big part of my life.
• i play netball in a saturday competition (or i will as of next weekend, when it starts) with a group of girls who i have come to consider some of my best friends. we suck a lot, but we have the best time. i've played since i was 6, and i absolutely love the bitchiness of netball. anyone who tells you that netball is non-contact has obviously never played.
• i have a cockatiel called Lenny. he's my special boy. he has many talents, including whistling an off-key, never-ending version of 'pop goes the weasel', and asking deep philosophical questions such as 'where's fran?' and 'what's wrong, Lenny?'. we're pals.
• i also have 4 goldfish. they're indestructable. i recently bought a big fishtank to put them in, but i've been too lazy to set it up, so they've been sitting on my kitchen bench for a while. the bowl is splattered with spaghetti sauce from dinner a week ago. oh, and their names are norman, darryl, fritz and clive.
• i played the clarinet from the age of 7 until i was about 18 or 19. i never took it seriously enough to be any good, but i liked it a lot. i really should dig it out and practice once in a while.
• i also play the harmonica, kind of badly. this stemmed from my teenage obsession with alanis morissette, and her tendency to put harmonica solos in her songs.
  
• i have quite a lot of social anxiety, which comes and goes. encountering new situations or big groups of people that i don't know tends to freak me out. usually i respond to this by either withdrawing or making jokes. this year i have made it one of my goals to be braver.
• i like to drink, but only when i'm with my friends. i can't bring myself to get drunk in front of my family. not sure why that is.
• my drink of choice is usually vodka with something, or champagne. i'll drink almost anything though.
  
• i once got drunk on new years eve and drank a bowl of tomato sauce as a dare.
• i really, really, really, really, really like wearing new socks. it's such a satisfying experience.
• i have a crush on a girl with bright red hair. she plays tribal drums and has a tattoo of a fairy on her back. she has absolutely no clue that i like her, and i think i like it that way.
• i'm really, really clumsy. i bump into doorframes, trip up and down stairs, fall over my own feet and just generally make a fool of myself countless times daily.
• i love listening to music. when i'm home, it's a given that i have some sort of music playing. my tastes are sort of eclectic. i have everything from old-school jazz and blues through to the grates. the majority of my collection is probably folky-rock.
• i am a junk food addict. it's a habit i've tried to break, but i think it's a lost cause.
  
• my favourite colour is green. my bedroom is bright green. it makes me feel calm.
• i love to take photos, especially at parties when i'm drinking. i think i'm a better photographer when i've had a few drinks. apparently i also really like to take pictures of myself when i'm drunk. the night after every party i look at my camera and there are usually 20 or so self-portraits, all of them looking straight up my nose.
• speaking of nose, i broke mine when i was a kid. i fell off a retaining wall at my friend's house and landed on a pine log. crunch.
  
• i can spend ridiculous amounts of time doing nothing at all. when this happens, i'm always totally confused as to where the time went.
• i hum, whistle and sing a lot. sometimes i don't even know i'm doing it. it can be embarrassing.
• i dye my hair dark brown about once every 8 weeks. my natural colour is a lighter brown. it was boring.
• there is a little black spider running around on the floor near me. i just thought i'd tell you.
• pretty much half of what i say is sarcastic, but i've been told that my sarcastic voice sounds the same as my serious voice, so sometimes people don't know when i'm joking. here's a hint. i'm pretty much always joking.
• when i'm not at work, my sunglasses are almost always either on my face or on top of my head. if you see me without sunglasses, you can bet that i'm having a bad day.
• red bull is my saviour.
• i can't resist a bargain. even one i don't need.
• i'm really sleepy. i'm going to stop now.

i may or may not continue this at a later date. right now i need some food. and by 'need' i mean don't need at all, but i'm bored so i'll do it anyway. and by 'food' i mean something that has had any traces of goodness processed out of it.

the end...

Someone stupider than me:

You know what i don't get...?

i don't get how i virtually had a mutually agreed break-up with my ex, and we BOTH AGREED that splitting up was the right thing to do, and yet somehow i'm still the bad guy, and she seems to want to do everything in her power to hurt me.

how can she go from being my best friend, someone who loves me, to this total bitch who wants to make me feel bad. you don't just stop loving someone that fast. i don't, anyway.

i don't want to hate her, i really don't. but she's making it really hard.

gah!

Someone stupider than me :



Love and tin-foil hats,

Elise.

Boys are DISGUSTING, VILE CREATURES!!!

And here we go with entry number 2. hold on to your hats people.

I had a shit day today, between my last post and now. this is pretty remarkable, given that i did nothing but get out of bed and move downstairs to sit on my couch all day doing work for uni.

the shitness all started when i threw my laptop a little too roughly down onto the couch. the disc drive opened on its own. inside there was a blue CD.

'That's odd' i thought to myself as i bent down to investigate the said CD. 'I don't remember putting that in there'.

I closed the disc drive, and the disc automatically started to play. and then i sort of made a noise like "aaaiiiiccchhhhaaaaaaaah! no!"

what i was watching was cheap, sleazy, hardcore porn. cheap, sleazy, hardcore STRAIGHT porn. i was sooooooo disgusted. i shut it off as fast as i could, and sat motionless for a good 10 minutes with an expression something like this one on my face:


I felt like crying. my poor, innocent little laptop had been besmirched with this filth. the whole thing was just so.... yucky.

it only took me a moment to figure out exactly what had happened, and who was responsible. my disgusting, perverted big brother Luke, that's who. The family computer is totally riddled with porn (which i used to take great delight in locating and either deleting or showing to my parents to get him in trouble), but i never thought he would stoop so low as to use my beloved laptop, which i saved up for and bought with my own hard-earned dollars.

ew ew ew ew ew. i can't believe he used my computer for THAT. i can't even describe how icky it makes me feel.

the first thing i did (after removing the offending CD) was to disinfect my computer thoroughly. i'm sort of a germ-phobic at the best of times, so this sent me into overload. luckily, i always have my spray bottle of pine-o-clean handy.

i then began to plot. how could i best use this to my advantage? did i want to bring this to the attention of my parents, thereby creating a huge conflict and humiliating him thoroughly? well yes, of course i did. but there are advantages to being patient about these things. i always like to have a little bit of dirt on my siblings up my sleeve to pull out at an advantageous moment. so i plotted a little more. and decided that i would be content with him just knowing that i knew.....

so i took the CD, and i found a pin. and i carved a short yet direct message into the face of the disc:


it says "KEEP THIS SHIT OFF MY COMPUTER"

i left it on his pillow. he hasn't looked me in the eye all night.

my family never learns. the sooner they figure out that not much gets past me, the better. and until they do, i'm happy to keep humiliating them.

Post Numero Uno

Hey there people. I'm Elise. And i like to talk about myself. Therefore, a blog is really the natural progression for me.

Just kidding. But not really.

No, i just noticed that there are a lot of cool blogs coming out of the Planet forum, and like a sheep i decided to follow suit. This is going very well so far, don't you think?

I guess as my first post, it would be logical for me to tell you a few things about myself. So here we go. i give you 'Elise: The Abridged Edition'

My name is Elise. I don't have any crazy nicknames or anything like that. My mother likes to call me Leesey and Possum (I think she has Dame Edna aspirations), and my ex-girlfriend liked to call me shortstuff. I did not really appreciate this, so if you try it, i will probably kill you. Am i joking? You just never know.

I'm 21 years old, and I live at home with my parents, my 23 year old brother and my two sisters, aged 17 and 18. Yes, my house is mood-swing city most of the time. There is a lot of crying over boys and arguments that involve missing clothes, makeup and shoes. it's pretty funny. I'm 'the good one'. i don't cause trouble, i do what i'm asked (most of the time) and i just generally look after myself. They would never admit it, but i'm pretty sure i'm the favourite kid around here. My competition is not tough though. I have a lazy, irresponsible screw-up of a brother, and a short-tempered party girl and an airheaded brat for sisters. There's just no contest. It's sad, really.

Despite this, i actually quite like living at home, and i love my family. We hang out a lot. I consider my siblings to be my closest friends. Don't tell them i said that. I'd never live it down. My family is sort of dysfunctional. We can't really express affection towards each other, at all. No hugging, minimal compliments, nothing emotional at all. Instead, we insult each other in an affectionate way. For example, if my sister's going out somewhere and she asks me if she looks alright, my immediate response is to jokingly say "no, you look like a whore". It's just strange. It works for us though.

I'm at Uni, studying teaching. This is my forth and final year of my degree. By the end of this year, i will be a fully qualified Secondary English and History teacher. I know you're rolling your eyes right now, wondering why in the name of all that is good and holy would i want to do that for the rest of my life. Sometimes i think the same thing. I can't say that i'm 100% sure that this is my calling, but for now i'm sticking at it. The degree is boring, but i really enjoy the actual hands-on teaching that i've gotten to do during the last few years.

Uh, i don't know what i have to say now. I'm rather boring. I just work, study and hang out with my friends most of the time. I work in a chicken shop, Red Lea Chickens. The work sucks, but i love the people there. going to work is like turning up to the set of a soap opera sometimes. Everyone always has these fantastic stories to share with me about their lives. It's fantastic. i'll probably blog about this at a later date, because i had a mind-blowing day at work yesterday.

Oh, I guess i should throw in that i'm gay, and single (hello ladies...). I just broke up with my girlfriend of nine months about a month ago. That was an ordeal in itself. Her name was Sam (and probably still is), and we met online a few years ago. It was this long saga of both of us secretly liking each other, but neither having the courage to bring it up. Anyway, she saw other people, i saw other people, it was all very messy. finally, after being best buds for like 2 years, i asked her out. Which was great. That didn't really work out though. Distance is a bitch, and neither of us tried hard enough to make it work, so we ended up resenting each other. Of course, as the dumper, i got the blame and the guilt here, even though She told me she was going to dump me a few weeks earlier anyway.

I don't get girls.

Let that be a lesson to you. Don't hook up with your best friend unless you're willing to risk losing them. Sam won't talk to me now, so i'm in a slightly bitter place at the moment.

Okay, last thing about me: I'm pretty sarcastic and cynical. To me, the glass is usually half empty. And chipped. If you can't handle a healthy dose of bitchy negativity, then move along, because there is nothing for you here. Please leave immediately and go directly to the sunshine and puppies website.

So that's it for now. i'll post again soon. Probably tonight, because i'll be home, and i usually get bored quite easily. I'm not dumb enough to think that people will actually read this, but on the off-chance that someone does, if there are any questions, i'm happy to answer them. Unless they're about maths. Maths and i decided that our relationship would be better off if we gave each other some space.

Love and shiny things,

Elise